4 Comments

Love Doesn’t Die. It Just Changes Form.

ImageRecently I saw on Facebook that my ex Hubby and his new girlfriend are calling each other our pet names.  I saw it pop up on a feed and went and checked him out.  There, all over his feed was him and his new girlfriend calling each other Hunny Bunny and Pumpkin.  If they call each other a certain nasty name they’ll have the triumvirate of what he and I called each other for years.  There were a lot of other similarities too.  I spent a few minutes kinda laughing at that.  It’s a little odd in fact that she’s my replacement.  She was our dog walker for years and she and I have had a number of conversations over that time.  She’s a pretty lovely person and we’ve marveled more than once at some of our shared history.

I admit I was petty and I laughed at them, but it didn’t sit right.  I got busy and thought of other things this weekend, and then tonight remembered them calling each other Hunny Bunny and Pumpkin.  I smiled.  And it settled in me and I realized, you know, I’m happy for him.  I honestly hope he’s happy.  I hope he finds in her whatever peace he wasn’t able to have with me.  I will probably never understand what happened to us.  I have theories and you know, they are only theories.  I know he doesn’t really know either.  It didn’t make me happy to keep looking to explain it.  We had a long and very happy relationship and then a very bad time and a divorce.  I don’t know exactly why the bad time came or what happened to him, but it ended us.  It is more of an ache sharpness of it is faded and fading.  I’m happy and I hope he’s happy too.  I suppose my biggest regret is that aren’t at least friends, but then you never know. Image

I love him.  I will always love him.  Regardless of everything… I love him.  I just love him differently.  I’m glad he has a Hunny Bunny.  I feel a little bit bad for her that he recycled our words, but then it wasn’t our words that made us special.  We just were, and she is too, same name or no.  Maybe I will actually be okay.  I’m not alone and I hope he isn’t too.

 

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I hope she gets the good him, because that’s very good and she’s had a long road too.  She’s sweet and deserves a love like that.  It was wonderful to have enjoyed it for so long and to have returned that kind of love.  I took care of him and he took care of me.  I cherished him for exactly who he was.  I knew him warts and all and loved him.  I respected him and admired him and was proud to be his partner.  We were funny together and we had a beautiful connection.  We had similar values and so much love.  The first night I met him we talked all night.  We left to go to PT, him with the Navy and me with the Army.  We literally talked all night.  He walked right up to me at Starbucks and struck up a conversation.  I didn’t know for a while that he was shy.  Our next date we talked all night on a Navy pier.  We didn’t run out of things to say for 13 years.  It as a powerful and changing love and I think we are both ultimately better for having had our time together.  I miss him sometimes, the way things used to be, just talking to him at Starbucks or on the phone.  I want him happy.

She’s a lovely girl, and I hope they’re happy.

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4 comments on “Love Doesn’t Die. It Just Changes Form.

  1. That’s a beautiful thing. I wish more exes and divorcees were like this

    • I wish ours always had been too or we both were now. I was so hurt and so angry. He’s still very angry, last I checked. I kinda hope if I respect it maybe he’ll come around. Honestly it’s my biggest regret, that we just couldn’t be in each other’s lives at all for a while. I don’t know. We’ll see what the future brings.

  2. Terms of Endearment are a Big Deal to me. As are any sort of D/s terms of belonging/ownership. I don’t give them lightly, I don’t take them lightly. And I make that abundantly clear to the people with whom I am involved. If you call me ‘sweetheart’ or ‘darling’ or whatever, it’s no big deal… Until you *make* it a big deal and say “This is my name for you.” Then that word ~ that name, that verbal sign of love, that spoken endearment ~ it gains covenantal status for me. (And usually it’s a lot more specific than ‘sweetheart’. My husband calls me Duchess, for example.) My People know better than to tread that territory lightly.

    All the same…

    I have still been hurt terribly ~ shredded, in fact ~ by the careless tossing about of “my” name by a lover.

    I don’t know why I am this way.

    But I am this way.

    I make it very clear that I am this way.

    But it can be ~ and has been ~ problematic in relationships to be this way.

    This essay^ is not necessary, I suppose. Only that when you wrote of the usurping of names, it hit very close to home. This post had a big Ooooof factor for me.

    • It did for me too. I couldn’t believe they call each other our names. It hurt to see him bandy that about. This was AFTER processing. He isn’t mine. Everything about that matters isn’t mine, including the name he gave me when I was his love. I personally wouldn’t insult him or a new lover by calling them his special names either. But in the end… I’m glad he’s moving on. I wish he’d call her something else though. Yeah.

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