I just got back from dinner with Boss. We planned this dinner to be before a party we’d hoped to go to tonight. It was the monthly meeting of the first party we’d ever been to actually. Sadly it was our break-up dinner instead. Dammit.
I have to admit it was about as good as a breakup dinner can be. We talked over sushi, kinda hashing it out. We came to an impasse a little bit ago and we’ve both been thinking a bit. He asked me beforehand if we were meeting for the big talk and breakup, and I admitted that yeah, that was about the size of it. It was weird mostly because we were the good friends we’ve been this whole time and it was nice to see him and nice to talk.
So why break up?
Well.. we just got to a place where we wanted different things and there wasn’t a good way to resolve it. He’s had a lot of change and without planning, invested in and wanted more from a relationship with me. It’s a pretty lovely thing to offer. I haven’t had the same kind of change, and if anything, am less open to another big relationship and it’s just a bad fit. And how do you dial that back? He explained that he really hasn’t had many exes and isn’t a man that generally has connected with the women he’s played with this way. He told me I was extraordinary. What a heady thing, to have a wonderful person telling you that. I felt like a heel. I don’t like hurting people. I wanted to have things the way they were, and he found himself startled that he’d want more. So.. what do you do?
Neither of us was overly sure. We haven’t been here before. We decided to break it off and to check in with each other and figure it out. So we’re broken up and he’ll contact me as he is ready to do so. Maybe at some point we can be friends still. Dammit. Sometimes timing is a bitch. I’m okay, but I feel bad for being hurtful even if I didn’t mean to be. He’s a big boy with skills and clearly he will be totally fine, but still…
So there we are. Boss and I are making a change. I’m seriously going to miss the kinky fun, but I’ll miss all his friendship more.