Take a Leap

There are reports out now that Gonorrhea is on the rise in Washington (and everywhere else).  It’s up 40% here, health officials at the Washington Dept of Heath report.


A woman in a full body black rubber suit

A woman in a full body black rubber suit

Gonorrhea is the second most common STI in Washington, after Chlamydia.  The hardest hit demographic is young adults.  The rise is attributed to not using condoms and using them improperly, and the prevalence of unprotected oral sex.

So.. am I gonna stop having sex?  Uh. No.

There are two big errors of thinking that occur with something like this statistic.  One is that we all want to think that the bad things only happen to other people. “I’m 33 and that doesn’t apply to me” and “I was tested last year and so was my partner and we are good”, “I only sleep with educated white people” or “I’m in the NSPP and we are all poly and all safe”.  This is all NONSENSE.

Another main error is the thinking that we are immune because we take this or that safety measure.  “I use condoms with new partners” or “I ask people if they are tested” or “I go on a few dates with someone before anything happens and we always have ‘the chat'”.  This is also NONSENSE.  These are good things to do but they don’t equal immunity.  If you have sex you are taking a risk.

Continue Reading »


I Don’t Know

There are so many things that I don’t know.  I know I had an insanely hot loving close intimate fun weekend.  There were trips to the sex shop for more gear, delicious breakfast casseroles and cookouts, leather cuffs, so much snuggling, petting, great talks about everything, beautiful nights, insanely hot times with just Traveler and I, and then Traveler and I and our new friend Yarn Hooker, and with a new guy I haven’t named yet.  There was wine tasting and homemade pie, games with friends, old friends playing putt putt and laughing over pizza, and a lazy morning just like we like.  There was something in the air this weekend!  I will be enjoying memories of this weekend for some time to come.

tarot cardsAnd my friend sent me messages yesterday, expressing joy at his partner finding a great new prospect and a tiny bit of trepidation.  What if she likes him better?  What if she only needs the new man?  What if he makes her forget my friend?  He went online to read blogs and found some, all ending with divorce.  Not very encouraging.

I told him honestly that sometimes this life is bitter hard. Relationships USUALLY end before death.  This is true in monogamy and in polyamory and in every other kind of ‘amory too.  How many people do you know that are blissfully coupled with the only person they’ve ever loved and they’ve been together and close and happy for life?  Chances are if you are lucky you can name maybe 5 couples.  That’s 5 couples out of the hundreds or thousands of couples you have known.  It’s not like monogamous relationships are paragons of stability either.  But with the fluid nature of open relationship networks, things do have more opportunity for change, and that really points out the unstable nature of romantic relationships. Continue Reading »


What to ask Traveler?

Traveler and I will finally record a podcast we planned long ago. The podcast is coming back retooled!

What would you like to ask Traveler? He will reserve the right not to answer anything he doesn’t want to, so feel free to ask anything at all.

That’s right! Traveler finally speaks. Help me know what to ask him.


If it helps bring up questions… He has been open for 14 or so years, and in love with two women for 3 years, and previously for a couple of years. He’s had three open loving committed relations at a time. He is friendly with the men his wife and I date. He’s very rarely jealous. And he’s hardly ever sick at sea. (Kidding)

Also, interestingly, both his wife and I are poly bloggers, and he does not identify as poly though he and Quinkygirl are very much in love and together nearly 15 years and he says he’s madly in love with me and we’ve been together 2 years and 8 months. His wife and girlfriend are very very close and love each other. He’s incredibly loving, great in bed, and a deeply good confidant. Curious? Ask stuff!


Yarn Hooker

Traveler and I met up again with the sexy and smart girl we’d met once for drinks, and this one.. this one contains sexy times.

alyson hannigan sexy2We sent a follow-up email earlier that we’d loved meeting her and we’d like to ply her with some ping pong and take her home to play.  And she answered that she’d really like that too.

So we met for drinks, laughed a lot over ping pong, and took a trip back to his place.

When she sent the message that she was interested I’d nearly fallen over in glee.  Holy crap.  This girl is AWESOME.  Thank you Universe!  Thank  you Stars!  Oh holy dear world, yes.

So we met and it was fun and fairly easy.  There were awkward bits because it IS awkward to date as three people.  There was a little awkwardness trying to break the physical barrier to get to touch her.  But I did as I do and finally just said “Can I kiss you?”.  I like to do the direct awkward thing sometimes and hope it comes off as charming.

Continue Reading »



Alyson Hannigan.. yum.

Alyson Hannigan.. yum.

God, help me.  I am just as bad as every lecherous guy I dated when I was a young woman.  I’m just as bad as my father.  I’m just as bad as every Camaro-driving balding middle-aged man with every young and beautiful waitress.  I am the idiot who feels special because a young woman thinks I still got it.

I was 18 years old when she was born. I can feel how red my face is right now, but I don’t care.  There’s something about her I like, even past the fact that she’s foxy.

She’s sexy.  She has a pretty fair resemblance to Alyson Hannigan from Buffy.  She has those sleepy sexy eyes and that cutely quirky smile and the red hair too. She’s got a lovely hourglass figure and soft alabaster skin.  She likes technical manuals and nerdy things and she’s interested in learning more about polyamory and in playing with couples and exploring.  She likes being teased.  She likes trying things like fancy Mezcal.  She has a naughty smile.  She thought we were cute too.  She knows how old we are.  She likes it.  She doesn’t have a lot of experience and she’d like more.  She likes my ideas…I do have rather fun ideas.
alyson hannigan 2I’d rather love to help her explore.

Oh God.  I’d love to help her explore.

Please please please universe?

So I have to admit I’d want this girl even if it were just physical.  But there is something kinda great there, a certain humor and an intellectual curiosity that I find highly appealing.  Most every person who ever tried to justify robbing the cradle has said it, but it’s true.  She’s kinda timeless.

It’s odd but I relate to that.  I was always that old soul, that 11 year old with the 15 year old friends.  I spent my young adulthood generally with people of all sorts of ages.  I’ve had friends from 14-74.  This girl does too.  When she talks about her friend who is 63 and from Sri Lanka I totally see a bit of myself in that.

But yeah.. kinda red-faced.

She’s 23.

Alyson Hannigan 3



Goldilocks painting by Jasmine Beckett-Griffith

Goldilocks painting by Jasmine Beckett-Griffith

I’ve said many times I wish I were the ever-graceful and unaffected Grace Kelly.  I’m not particularly emotional at the moment, but it’s a thing with me that I get embarrassed of my emotion.  Wait, no.  I get embarrassed of my *messy* emotions.

I’m perfectly happy that I feel boundless love.  I am tickled that a great number of things delight me. I’m passionate.  I love deeply.  I’m fiercely loyal.  I’m tenacious and determined and empathetic.  I can go there with a friend.  I can take a lover there.  All of these emotions I adore.

But it’s the messy stuff.  I’m ashamed I have insecurities.  I’m embarrassed when I cry.  I can’t stand being irrational or out of sorts or brooding.  I despise that I burn over offenses and that I have to address and let go of things when others seem perfectly capable of stuffing them down forever.  I hate my messy emotions.

I was talking about this with Quinky Girl.  She is a human who gets twinges, but by and large she is unaffected by some things that make me rail.  I deeply envy that.  I would be the same way if I could and I can’t.  I HATE to talk about the little things that bother me.  But if I don’t they become big things and come out sideways.  I hate that too.  Other polys say “Oh I didn’t need to talk about that.  I just let it go”.  And I feel much much worse.  It’s like they are jabbing me right in my eye with that.  I’d prefer not to have awkward moments but I can’t be any other way.  I don’t wanna make shit weird.  I don’t wanna have a little chat.  I hate confrontation and awkwardness.  I wanna just flip my hand, brush my hair off my shoulder and say “I never did mind the little things”.  But I simply don’t work that way. Continue Reading »

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I think I’m a person that likes or needs a certain amount of time alone. It’d odd because I’m such an extrovert in some ways, loving the company of others, processing externally, all of that.  But I’m an introvert too.  I hole up sometimes in my little world and my little thoughts.  And as much as I don’t always love it.. I’ve lived my life to often be alone.

I spent my childhood by myself in my big empty house.  I’d watch TV and read with my feet on the heat register.  I’d wander the neighborhood at night, looking at all the activities in all of the houses.  Holidays especially.  Christmas nights I’d wander the neighborhood and see the families after all the guests have left.  I’d have spent the day with my father or mother, or more likely a friend in later years, and I’d come home and take to wandering the streets.

When I was married it was all the nights he had duty or was at sea.  I learned to like these nights when they were few, enjoying my own company and my pastimes.  You can’t be a very happy Navy wife any other way.

I’d think sometimes of the irony of being married and spending so much time alone.  It got to me when it was too frequent.  I spent a lot of time wandering with the streets with our dog then.  She was content to wander the streets with me for hours.  I’d watch the families and the people who sat in the glow of their computers, alone.  I had favorite routes and homes I looked at.  I learned to look at the real-estate listings for the homes I saw for sale.  I liked seeing how people lived their lives.

A woman sleeping next to an empty spot by Mardilê Friedrich Fabre, Jô Tauil, Marilândia Rollo

A woman sleeping next to an empty spot by Mardilê Friedrich Fabre, Jô Tauil, Marilândia Rollo

And now I spend a lot of time alone.  I have friends and diversions and some weeks so busy I hardly ever stop.  I’ll plan a night here or there to have my own company.  And then sometimes it’s a slow week, like this week, and I’ll spend just a little too much time to myself.  I did things a little but I came home alone quite a bit.

It’s okay.  But I start to long a little.

One of the weird truths of polyamory is that you will spend nights alone even if you have many loves.  It’s okay.  It’s healthy.  Being good at doing that is healthy too.  And longing is okay too.  I just saw him Tuesday, but already my lips and my fingertips miss him.

I’ll see him tomorrow.  So tonight I’ll curl up in my comfy bed that smells of him and dream of tomorrow, and maybe a little of sexy ideas for the coming week.  Because sometimes I don’t spend the entire alone after all.  ;)


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