Happy dance!!! My blog just got it’s 500th subscriber!!!
Happy dance!!! My blog just got it’s 500th subscriber!!!
This blog now has 498 subscribers. That’s pretty damn close to 500. I’m pretty jazzed and crazy grateful and wanna do something special. Anybody want anything? What would you maybe like in order to celebrate? Any topics you want covered? Questions? Special requests?
You can comment or ask here by replying, or email me at email@example.com.
C’mon.. what do you want.. ask and you just might get it……
I’ve been sick for a month. A fucking month. I’ve been sick so long I got my second period while sick. Not fucking cool.
But, I’m on the mend. My weird red eyes are now a light pink and my head is clear and my energy is back. My cough lingers a bit, but it’s soooo much better. I have hopes of returning to work again tomorrow. I’ve had all kinds of time for reflection and I got a little off the beam and back on, maybe a little wiser. My birthday was still totally cool. Even sick and resembling the Star Wars Emperor, I had lovely talk and food and fun with my loves and friends and chosen family.
Peaches came with Engineer, who is NOT her boyfriend *so I am told. Cleveland and his wife were there. As were Chicago and Chicago Boy. Fishnet came, and Traveler and Quinky Girl too. We ate Moroccan food and played a little skeeball. We were mostly all a little sick or a lot tired, but it was still a very very good time.
And healing now, I’m making fun plans, naughty plans, and just plans to breathe comfortably. Something about feeling better always makes me want to dance around with my arms flung wide like the Sound of Music.
I Have To Be Alone?
One of the surprising things (to me) about having multiple relationships is that you have to be or get good at being alone. When people ask me stuff about poly.. well they ask about the sex. But after they’ve exhausted that, they ask about the handling jealousy and finally about how it actually works. It’s a lot of scheduling. Most poly people use Google Calendar, for a couple of good reasons. You can access it anywhere.. any computer or smart phone or whatever, and you can share calendars. When your lives get a little entwined and you’d like to see each other’s schedules you can “share” your Google Calendar. Some of us call this “Google Official”. It’s just a little joke, like getting Facebook official.
In a few hours I will be 40 years old. Yeah.. I’m feeling pretty good about it, and pretty nostalgic. I just took a long hot shower and actually laughed and cried thinking back on things. Do you ever get like that at milestones?
I’m 40, and you know.. I’m mostly happy. I read a few things about turning 40 today and I have to admit I agree with a lot of them. With a few rather large exceptions, the last 5 years or so have been some of the happiest of my life. I was suicidal a lot in my teens and my early 20′s. It’s been a long time and I don’t entertain those thoughts much these days, but they come. I still think about it on those rare times, and then it comes to me.. all the times I’ve thought over the years, “If I’d been successful, and If I’d killed myself at 15, or 16, or 19 or 22 I would have missed THIS”.
I’ll be standing at a big moment or a small one and I’d know I would have missed it. I would have missed all of that if I’d kept believing that life would always be so dark. Life isn’t like that. It isn’t like that all. Life NEVER stays the same, not even when we want it to. It’s never all dark or all light. It just isn’t. Everything spins and everything changes. If I’d have given up then I’d have missed everything. I have gotten nearly every happiness I’ve ever wanted and most of what I’ve feared. And tallying it all up, I’d hate to have missed it all.
I’m not going to lie. This last year has been in many was one of the toughest of my life. But here’s the thing. Amazingly.. I’m mostly pretty happy. My injuries healed most of the way and my heart is healing too. I’m working on the damaged bits and that might take a while, but I’m headed in the right direction.
They say in your 40′s you come into your own. You have a lot of things figured out and a lot of things you’ve learned. I agree. And sex really does seem to get better and better too. A lot of the articles talked about the success we’ve built up in our careers and our families, and I don’t really have that. I never had children of my own and I’m not very financially successful. So I don’t relate to the obvious kinds of family and success the articles name, but I have to admit that the success is still true. I have built a little family that is absolutely precious to me. I’m blood-related to almost none of the members, but they are family none-the-less. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve counted on Ph.D or Squirrel. And here I’m building a life with my little chosen family.
I could go on and on, but I keep deleting that, realizing that the details are rather unimportant. The point I kept trying to make was that I’m going to be 40 here soon, and I’m pretty happy about it and happy in general. My ex hated it that I said it all the time, but I do keep marvelling and it keeps coming to me… “what a long strange road it’s been”. :)
Oh how I love the little things. I’m stillllllllll sick. It’s been 3 weeks on and off of this wretched cold. I’m sick to death of being sick.
Today though I’m just feeling grateful. I am grateful for family I can text and commiserate with. I’m grateful for sweet men who act like a date with me hacking is still fun, though I have to admit that WAS surprisingly good sex for a woman who can barely breathe. I’m grateful for sweet loves who bring me humidifiers and kisses and play WoW with me, because WoW made me not feel like I was in my f’ing apartment sick. I’m grateful for sweet comfortable pettings and snuggles and promises to get a hot toddy with me.
I can’t wait to see my murder for my birthday and have a nice relaxing celebration. I can’t wait to have a little Game of Thrones night or a nice drink with my loves. I can’t wait to see most of the people I love at a table, watching belly dancing and eating great food. Just feeling grateful and happy and hopeful, even if I do have the plague.
Oh.. and just because it’s funny… a comic from cyanide and happiness:
I know I’d pretty much resolved the Traveler thing a few days after it had happened. I’d worked out some of the feelings and questions it raised, even if I had a cascade of questions I was asking myself both about him and Cleveland after some things with Cleveland, but it was really damn nice to wrap it up in a bow with a nice talk last night. I’d pretty much decided that what I’d wanted from Traveler was just to hear me. I understood more why he had to cut our date and I knew after talking to Quinky Girl that had I known what was up I would have pushed him out the door and told him to go where he was needed. It was not just that she felt neglected after days with him. It was that he felt needed and wanted to be with a person he loves… a person I love too. She had really been suffering with sickness and stressors and he just wanted to support a person he loved when she needed him. Seriously? Who’d be mad or hurt about that? Many times Quinky Girl and I have supported each other that way. Just a short while ago she’d asked us out for a quick drink on our date after a challenging day and it had been so fun I don’t think either Traveler or I had wanted to leave. As I went through my struggles with Great Date and with my ex-Husband, many times Quinky Girl and Traveler had been there for me in much the same way. It is what families do.
So.. I knew it had been a misunderstanding and I just hadn’t had all the info. Continue Reading »