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Tug of War?

We are officially not in the land of new relationships and it’s complicated sometimes.  Sometimes we do it very well and sometimes we fumble a bit and work to figure it out.  Traveler and I had a little fritzy-bit, nothing huge, but just a thing between the two of us and something we worked out.  And then another totally unrelated one a little after.  It seems simple at first, but it’s actually not.  I just wanna share how sometimes the answer isn’t a simple thing with one person right and one person wrong.

I was a little nervous about some new social engagements and Traveler very sweetly said he’d go to a couple of the things with me, one of which was Monday and one of which was coming up next weekend.  Then when we were planning our week this week he remembered and said that he’d come with me and said he’d like to come stay the night with me after.  I reminded him that Quinky Girl would be going too, and that was awesome.  We’d all go and he and he and I would come home together after. Cool.  I have to admit it’s nice to get to get the one he comes home with after a nice night where we all hung out.  It’s not a date but just a normal night and I get to have that too.  Kinda awesome and rad that such things aren’t just the domain of Traveler’s one partner.

That morning he asked me to pick up something for him for the potluck when I ran to the store.  He said to run it by Quinky to be sure we didn’t mess up whatever her plan was.  Excellent.  Good idea.  But I forgot to run it by her until the last minute and she was rushing out to get her things done and wasn’t able to coordinate with me.  She thought we’d all just all do our own thing but she didn’t know because I’d fucked up and not told her that Traveler had asked me to get stuff for him.  She and Traveler had worked out something after Traveler and I working out our thing that morning, but I didn’t know what.

Had she just told him what she was bringing and he still expected me to pick up what he’d asked me to, or had he talked about what he’d asked me to pick up and she was getting it now?  Or were they just doing something different?.  She was driving and couldn’t answer.  I was at the store and needed to make a decision.  Do I buy the stuff he thought he might want me to get but wasnt sure about or not?  I asked him.  He was at work and didn’t answer.  Shit.  I waited and the store and tried a little more but wasn’t able to reach anyone.  Okay.. no big deal.  I’d just buy what he’d asked me to and if we had too much or the wrong thing it’s not a big deal. Shrug.

Then he pops up and we make a plan.  He’ll be at my house by 645 to drop off his car and we’ll go back to his house to get Quinky since her dish would take a little more time.  Great.  I ran home and heated my meatballs fast.  I get ready super fast and end up waiting.  Around the time he’s supposed to be at my house he pops up again and says that Quinky’s dish is baking but will take a little longer and they’ll be ready at 730.  Um. Okay.  I ask “are you not coming here to drop off your car anymore?”  No answer.  Does he need to watch the oven?

He could still come here to drop off his car since the mushrooms will need almost an hour.  It’s 6:39 and he’s saying they’ll be done around 7:30.  I ask if he and Quinky are caravanning here then on the way to the potluck because he said he’d take the bridge and I live by it.  Are they dropping off his car later?  No answer.  I’m a little annoyed.  What happened to our plan?  Why is he not telling me anything?  I guess the plan changed.

I sat there waiting some more.

Two people made out of boxes engage in a tug of war.  From http://www.heritageradiott.com

Two people made out of boxes engage in a tug of war. From http://www.heritageradiott.com

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Sexy Times Are Lovely Learning Experiences

It’s been mostly real and hard to talk about lately.. good stuff.. just deeper and harder to say, closer to the chest. And then there is sexy adventure.  ;) Traveler and I took a vacation to Idaho for skiing and had a wonderful time. It was so bonding and so wonderful.  All the good talks and all the good meals and all the fun was had.  It was nice just to be together, marveling at the joy of just having time.  red head waterAnd we met our lovely smart funny sexy blogger friend.  The conversation was one of those great ones that is all over and we soon talked like old friends, excitedly sharing info and relating.  It was one of those conversations were I learned a lot of Traveler’s thoughts too on things.  And she was so very sexy, mesmerizing with her beautiful mind and sexy hourglass curves and the enticing slant of her smile. I worry a little that I pushed things maybe further than they were naturally though.  It seemed like flirting and fun were welcome and the kisses fiery and sweet and everyone consented to and seemed to enjoy everything.  Late into the night we found ourselves naked and playing, Traveler and my friend and me. and it was all good, wonderful even, beyond the orgasms and the excitement, but I worried maybe I pushed things.  I would have been happy to just have those kisses, and it was hot, all of it, the kisses and play and all the sexy times that came after, but it’s just something I’ll think of in future situations, to not push so much because I’d rather be left with no doubt and be sure that nobody ever feels pushed and that no hesitancy, however minor, is ignored.  Everyone seemed to have fun and in the morning we all checked in and were good.  In no way was the evening or all that happened a bad thing.  I just want to be sure I always learn what I can. I love what threesomes teach me about myself, about someone new, and about my partner.  I’m still processing good things.

A redheaded woman reclines in the water, from pinterest.com

A redheaded woman reclines in the water, from pinterest.com

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I don’t want to go home

Traveler and I are on our last night of vacation and I’m dreading going home.  It’s back to normal life, which is good, but it’s not as good as vacation life.  We’ve had 3 days together.  It’s so amazing to have all this time in a row, breakfasts and chats and laughs and fun.  He’s traveling a lot for work in the next two months and that will be challenging for all of us.  I missed him on his last trip and the few days he was home before we took off and I’ll miss him next week.  Basically, when I’m not with people I love, I miss them.

A pin up girl poses with her ski poles and boots and a jaunty fuzzy hat

A pin up girl poses with her ski poles and boots and a jaunty fuzzy hat

I like missing people a little, and find it bittersweet.  But I’m not a fan of the super long and terrible missing I did sometimes as a Navy wife, and I don’t think Traveler being gone more weeks than he is home is gonna be good.

So for now I’m soaking up the time and the snuggles and the kisses and talks and sex.  I forgot how good vacation sex is.  It’s so nice to wake up whenever and to get randy soaking in the hot tub or putting lotion on our dry skin and sore muscles from skiing.  I love getting frisky in the kitchen and making the dinner wait.  I love languid loving after a well deserved nap.  I love thinking we’re too sore and tired and finding that we are not.  I don’t understand how it’s getting better, the chemistry with us, but it is and I’m not gonna examine it too hard.  It’s a blessing.  We have our rhythms and our routines and I love that.  I love being with someone long enough that you can push each other’s buttons so well, and I love breaking those routines too.

I love the time that isn’t strictly datey.  I’m always a fan of it, working in the yard and running errands and living a bit of our lives together. And here I love the grocery shopping we did to cook in our vacation rental.  I loved the driving and the long stretch of road from Boise to Sun Valley Idaho.  I love asking each other to fetch a roll of toilet paper and playing bananagrams at 11pm.  I love cooking together and cleaning the kitchen together, laughing about everything and nothing.  I love canceling our fancy dinner reservations to eat pizza in our pajamas together.  I love petting his belly while he plays his internet game and falling asleep while he’s showing me a replay of his battle.  I love the time.. sweet precious limited wonderful time.  I even loved a brief tiff about the contents of a writing we did together.

Something precious in poly is this time and space to do what couples do.  We get that, but a few whole days of it in a row is precious.  You can get and make more of almost anything but your time and attention.  And it’s just so damn nice to not, for these precious days, have to say goodbye.  You cook and laugh and love and do things together and you miss one less person that you love.   I don’t mind the missing most of the time, but it’s so damn nice to not miss Traveler for just these days.  I’m not going to lie.  I could almost pretend that we could stay like this and there is a part of me that wishes.

But, I’m happy.  I’m happy here and I’m happy at home.  I keep thinking it over and over and over.  I’m so lucky.  I’m so lucky.  I’m lucky here on our vacation and I’m lucky at home.  Still.  I don’t wanna go home.

A funny pin-up girl skis down a hill with her arms splayed out behind her

A funny pin-up girl skis down a hill with her arms splayed out behind her

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Packing

I’m packing for my ski-trip to Idaho with Traveler.  We’ve been on some trips, but this is our first plane trip.  I am vibrating with excitement.  :)

Sun Valley resort shows a snowy landscape with a cabin nestled in

Sun Valley resort shows a snowy landscape with a cabin nestled in

So.. some shit went down.  I didn’t talk or hint about it here because it’s been really close to my heart and it took a while to untangle.  And I try REALLY HARD not to communicate by blog.  Basically the Reader’s Digest version is that Quinky Girl and I had a tough patch.  Feelings were hurt and there was a lot of worry and stress and heartache and sadness and loneliness and such and we talked it out.  It was a crappy conversation to have.  I mean it was good.. but fuck. We went there.  We were honest and that was hard to do.  I’ll do honest, but you’re not gonna make me like it.

And things are mostly untangled.  I’ve got a little more sorting to do, but it’s good.  We talked again about how this is flying blind.  It’s come up a lot lately.  Traveler and I have been together a little over two and a half years and Quinky and I have been family about two of them. And there just aren’t a lot of models for this.  My daughter even asked me lately “Where can this go? I mean, what can this be with you and Traveler?”.

I don’t know.  I’m not even sure what to ask for if I were asking for things.  We fucking make it up as we go along. I’m not feeling much about this question I keep hearing yet.

The little downtown Sun Valley Idaho

The little downtown Sun Valley Idaho

Right now I’m packing.  

Well. Right now I’m sitting on my ass taking a break from packing so I can blog.

We’re planning 4 wonderful days together.  We’ll be in Idaho skiing and cooking together and drinking lovely wine and sitting in our hot tub on the river and snuggling by the fireplace.  They’ll be breakfasts and kisses and time for lingering sexy times.  They’ll be talks and showers and walks and maybe even a game of banana grams.  Heh.  We’re meeting my friend (a blogger vixen) there too.  I got excited today and packed recipes for salmon patties and bourbon cocktails and excellent steak marinades.  I can’t wait!

Wine glasses glow with a lit background in a snowy scene

Wine glasses glow with a lit background in a snowy scene

I was just packing and realizing that both skiing and alternative sexy times sure do take up the space.  We needed space for my pads because I squirt and make a mess when I cum.  And we needed space for candles and lube and a cock ring.  Space went also to cuffs and my blindfold and my crop and little flogger.  (A girl can hope).  Into the bag went the sexy underthings and my new Wartenburg wheel.  This one is made a little nicer and hopefully won’t have the spikey wheel fall off mid-play!  I even packed the few condoms I had that weren’t expired.  And after the ski pants and hat and scarf and gloves and jackets  and goggles I have about 4 inches to pack clothes and toiletries.  Fun takes up so much space.  Yay!

You WILL NOT be hearing me complain.

A woman reclines in a bubbling hot tub on a snowy deck

A woman reclines in a bubbling hot tub on a snowy deck

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Adieu

Traveler is about to travel a lot again for a while.  Dammit.  Over the next few months he’s gone during the week more than he is home.  Eh.  It is what it is.  I used to be a Navy wife.  It’s been a while but I got this.

Having said all of that… I’m spoiled.  I’m used to seeing him a few nights a week. So I’m soaking it all up now.  And this coming weekend we are off to a ski vacation together.  It’s 4 days and one really sweet mountain, a condo with a private hot-tub on a river, a snuggly fireplace, walking distance to cocktails and a well stocked kitchen to cook in together.  AND, I’m finally meeting a sexy blogger friend.  I’m not gonna lie people.  I have no expectations and no assumptions, but I have hope.

A backlit couple kiss underwater in the deep

A backlit couple kiss underwater in the deep

I. am. stoked.

And Traveler sent himself off this week with a date to tide me over.   Continue Reading »

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Simmer

You have me on a boil.  You have my mind racing with deep dark luscious thoughts.  I want to taste your skin with my lips barely brushing you and giving you goose flesh.  I want your salt on my tongue.  I want your hair slipping in my grasp and your name on my breath.  I want to know the color of the flecks in your eyes and trace your jaw with my kisses.  I want your warmth and your scent.  I want your breath.  I want to taste all of you, every inch.

I want your every dip and valley and saddle at my fingertips and on my tongue.  I want to make you laugh with small delight and purr with my heat.  I want you to take in your breath sharply.  I want your muscles to coil to me.  I want you to relax into me, warm to my touch.  I want your thoughts to turn to a hum.  I want you to think in simple small words… yes.. oh.. please.. mmm.. yes.

I want to sync.  I want to roll with you and writhe.  I want you to have to use your arms and your cheek and your leg to slide over my skin because your hands aren’t enough.  And when you are melting, easing into my embrace, I want to sink my teeth into your flesh.  I want you to wonder if the heat you feel is your broken skin.

          I want your heart to speed.  

I want to pull your head back and I want to pause so you can feel the things I want to do to you there.  And I want you to turn over to me and to crave my will.  I want you to want to please me.  I want to make me want to make it hurt just enough to make your blood sing.  I want you to feel your body’s response and I want to make you flush and squirm and swell.  I want you to growl.  I want you to course.  I want you to hear and agree with what I don’t actually say.

Mine.

Mine.

Mine. 

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Sharing

I love it when I hit a little jag and spiral on a sexy interest.  It fascinates and excites me.

couple on computer

I’m still having fun chatting with people from Craigslist, even if I met a couple people that were totally not a good fit, one that totally was a great fit and that never contacted me again, and one that I had the fun night with.  But an old desire might be eclipsing my little jaunt into the world of rare and fun casual sex with dudes from Craigslist.

It’s women.  More specifically it’s women to share.

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