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What’s Sexier Than a Big Ol’ Romantic Date?

Reclining man floating languid and relaxed in a tropical pool

Reclining man floating languid and relaxed in a tropical pool

What’s sexier than a big ol’ romantic date?  What’s sexier than a sweet loving affectionate date where you run errands and have fun finding things together? 

Both.

I like dates where you share a little bit of life sometimes, affectionate everyday time, and then leave a boyfriend-shaped dry spot on the bed that you won’t find until he leaves in the morning, because your flood ran over his hips while you tortured him after he came.  All because you can’t.. stop… riding… him.  Sharing life and passions makes me feel sexy and loved. 

Grin.  Happy.

A floating man's legs trailing in the pool

A floating man’s legs trailing in the pool

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No In-Between

I feel funny writing this, but I know more of what I want.  As we grow and have experiences and do stuff, we learn ourselves better hopefully.  And I made an interesting discovery.  I don’t like the in-between.  

I like casual sex.  I like fucking and fun and kinky play partners and FWB’s, even if I don’t often have any of these things.  But even then, I like to be friends.  I have to like you to fuck you. Novel damn concept, no?  I like to like the people I hang with in really any capacity and that includes people I have naked fun with.  I don’t like counting the minutes until you finally fucking get naked.  Cool.  I figured this out a while ago.

Julia Fullerton-Batten's "In Between".  The sketch of a layout for a beautiful photograph of a woman falling in a bedroom, caught ethereally mid-air

Julia Fullerton-Batten’s “In Between”. The sketch of a layout for a beautiful photograph of a woman falling in a bedroom, caught ethereally mid-air

I like love.  I like trust and connection and chemistry and understanding. I like really communicating and sharing life with those I love.  I dream, and finally admit it fully, that I want to share my life with the people I love.  I want to run errands and do activities and have hobbies and curl up in the middle of the night and sleep twined with you.  I want to fuck you silly and observe traditions and make new ones with my big loves.  I want to build things together and teach each other stuff.  I want to laugh and I don’t really want to cry, but if we do, I want to do it with you.  I want to be that person you cling to when it all falls apart.  I want to be that for you.  I want you to be the person I run to tell things to because I can’t wait to see your joy or get your counsel.  I want to love the people that you love and support them too.  I want to collaborate in love and share love and I want to be a big mushy mush ball in a little family of mushes like me.  I want it deep and strong.  

What I don’t want is in-between.  That sometimes happens on its own, and maybe that’s fulfilling when it does because it’s what works for us, but I don’t want to seek out life in a little box. Continue Reading »

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Pop Goes the Weasel

Sometimes people chat on OKC for a while and then sort of drop off.  It happens.  Let’s call them Bonnie and Clyde.  Clyde messages Bonnie.  He says something other than “hi there” or “hey sexy.  wanna chat?”.  Maybe he says a nice sentence or two or a paragraph that shows he actually meant that message for her rather than cut and pasted it.  Great.  They exchange witty banter and for whatever reason it fizzles out.  No biggie.  Then 3 and a half months later he pops up “Hey there Bonnie.  What are you up to?”.  He hasn’t been out of the country.  He didn’t have malaria.  He just faded off and now popped back 3 months later.  Weasel!  There is a reason I say this.  Hold on.

Nathan Ota- Weasel

Nathan Ota- Weasel

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A Nicer Anniversary

I totally support if you don’t read this one.  It’s not sexy at all.  It’s long and full of stuff that likely would not interest most people, but I had to write and throw this out there, purposely unedited.  I just typed for hours, kinda throwing out all this stuff on my anniversary.   (Okay.  I couldn’t take it and edited for typos and such.) Continue Reading »

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Ooh. They linked me!

Some lovely folks over at planet airwaves recently contacted me and asked about linking to one of my posts from their site.  Um.  Yes please.  How flattering.  I love when people read and it’s a treat that they wanted to share the post.  It was the one about the Myself Party at the center, and you can see their post of it here http://planetwaves.net/news/.  It was posted August 9, 2014.  

I love the comments and discussion and that they seem to run the gamut from people who liked it to maybe sort of hated it and had opinions about it.  The only thing better than getting to hear that someone read it is that someone had an opinion about it.  :)

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What’s Going to Set You Free?

beastie boys 3I have an anniversary date coming up and I’m deciding to do things a little differently.  August 10th is the day Hubby and I married, and the day my father died (not in the same year).  Hubby and I used to celebrate both the day we met (July 17th) and our wedding anniversary.  My dad dying that day made it a little bittersweet.  Last year Hubby and I talked for a long time, crying a little, but not really getting angry, just talking.  He’d asked the month before for a divorce and It was just us talking as people, which was rare those days with all the hurt and anger and such.  We got off the phone and I wrote about all the things we’d talked about.  I wanted to remember.

I cried afterward for my dad and my marriage and then pulled myself together, but it was a hard day.  I didn’t want to spend the whole day broken.  I pulled out things that belonged to my father and looked at pictures of him, but I hadn’t been ready to do that with Hubby’s stuff.  I did that later. The weirdest part was that I kept thinking about Hubby and hoping he was okay.  It hurt that he was hurting and I couldn’t make it better.  After everything that was the hardest part. 

I just saw on my calendar this date approaching and I’m thinking I’ll do it differently this year.  I might have needed to process all that hurt and pain and anger and fear last year, and that had made my father’s death fresher too, thinking how disappointed he’d be.  But I’m not there a year later, kind of biding time in a basement and having no idea what to do with myself.  My life has moved on and I’m happy.  Hubby is happy.  I think my daughters are happy.  And I just don’t feel the need to wallow or cry or rue the day. I wanna take it back.

beastie boys 4I’m going to celebrate and remember the good stuff.  I’m going to watch one of the hundreds of movies Hubby and I liked and eat a giant bowl of popcorn for him and enjoy his old drink at Starbucks, the place we met and spent so much happy time.  I’m going to work “holy shnikeys” and “mother bitch” into a conversation somewhere and I’m going to smile if I see a man with knock knees. I’ll think of our words “honey bunny” and “punkin” lightly.  I might play cribbage if I can find anyone who knows how.   I’ll think of him somewhere maybe riding the motorcycles I brought to his life or thinking about roller derby or any of the things we liked together so much and how he might think of me too with all of the things we shared.  Maybe he’ll sing the song he made up for my butt or look at one of the years of poems or letters he wrote to me.  Maybe he’ll eat a chocolate orange for me or think about the impressionists or Van Gogh or modern art I loved. 

And I’m going to watch the sunset for my dad.  My dad LOVED sunsets.  He had a thing about trying to make time to make sure he saw them often.  He marveled at them and wrote about them a lot.  If I can I’ll touch a Harley for him or hug a burly biker and maybe sketch a woman’s ass.  (Yeah he was a bit of a letch).  Maybe I’ll go the museum for my father, a thing he loved so much, or look at beautiful art, a passion he gave me, or listen to someone play the guitar and sing like Bob Dylan.beastie boys1Maybe I’ll make August 10th the day for men who I loved that are no longer in my life and to whom I am grateful.  It had been two steps forward and two back for a while, but lately it’s just been mostly peaceful.  I have to admit my life was irretrievably shaped by these two men, my father with my childhood and Hubby with most of our adult lives together.  You just can’t spend that amount of time loving someone and turn it off like a light.  I’ve decided this August 10th will be a good thing if I can make it so.

Hubby had a tattoo on his ankle that said “what’s gonna set you free?”.  I always loved that tattoo.  I still think I might get it myself someday, maybe with an anchor with a broken chain.  There’s a lot of answers to that.  Time is a good one.  I’m set free by time and forgiveness and living and love.  I’m set free by the choices I make and what I decide to keep and carry. 

I think *I* set me free. 

__________

Oh.  Wow.  I looked up the lyrics to the song that inspired Hubby’s tattoo.  How perfect.

__________

beastie boys 2Beastie Boys – Gratitude

Good times gone and you missed them
What’s gone wrong in your system
Things they bounce like a Spalding
What’d you think? Did you miss your calling?
It’s so free, this kind of feeling
It’s like life, it’s so appealing
When you’ve got so much to say
It’s called gratitude and that’s right
Good times gone but you feed it
Hate’s grown strong, you feel you need it
Just one thing, do you know
What you think that the world owes you
What’s gonna set you free?
Look inside and you’ll see
When you’ve got so much to say
It’s called gratitude and that’s right

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Anticipa… … tion.

The first kiss.  Delicious.

first kissI’m excited and looking forward to seeing the new guy again.  We’ve had only the one date, and oodles and oodles of conversation about all sorts of things that has left me, well, on a simmer.  I joked with him that I wasn’t sure I liked him and I need to kiss him again, for science.  I joked about a kink checklist and it turned into an actual talk.  It was a bit of a negotiation, and yeah, nerd that I am I coughed up a checklist I’d gotten a long long time ago and not yet used.  It was a kink checklist.  It’s not totally comprehensive, because how could anything be that wasn’t a freaking novel.  I mean there are kinks for EVERYTHING.  But it’s pretty good. 

So we filled them out and exchanged them and talked about things that interest us.  We have some lovely overlapping interests.  God I love it when a plan comes together.

first kiss3So my current plan has been to hold off a teeny bit before the naughty sexy bits, so we can get to know each other a little before sex complicates the picture.  Too late.  I want to jump him so fucking badly.  I keep telling him I am promising nothing on our next date (not because he’s pushing.. just to be clear).  And I really am not promising anything.  But I’m not sure he’s the one I need to worry about.  I am pretty sure I’m the weakest link.

I have to admit I love it when I’m like this.  I love the thrill and anticipation of a new potential lover.  I love how many times a day I think naughty naughty stuff about them.  I love how much it sparks my already purring engine.  I love the wriggling in my office chair and the little fantasies I have about what might be there or what might happen.  I love not knowing.  This is so much fun. 

first kiss 4One of the many many gifts of open relationships is the potential for this newness and this giddy glee.  First kisses!  Oh how I love first kisses, especially with that spark of chemistry.  Discovering each others bodies and minds and desires, and exploring!  Finding new ways to connect or to be passionate.  When I was monogamously married I thought my days of firsts were done.  What a sweet gift firsts are to have again!  Booya.

first kiss2

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